I can’t believe there’s even a part two to this dream!

Yeah, I dreamt of D.K again. Woke up 2 hours ago at around 3AM to the sound of me making sobbing noises and wet eyes.

In prior, I want to note that I rarely wake up to myself crying. I can sum up that I would wake up drench in tears about once or none a year! When it comes to waking up sobbing (without the tears) I would say about once a year. So I would say that it’s a rare occurrence and not a very pleasant experience. I wish those numbers would cut down to 0 times in a lifetime and rarely do I ever wake up sobbing and crying over a gaddamn boy?! I mean come on! Over a boy? Really? D.K never even crossed my mind when I was awake the whole damn day!

I would lay this entry by first telling you about the dream then results I found in Google on dream meanings (lol) and afterwards my interpretation of it.

Here’s how it started:

It began with a boat trip to an unknown location with my family. I had no clue where we were heading. A new scene pop up and we’re outside a house. I didn’t recognize the house but I had a feeling it’s a relative’s house. My family was all dressed up but I was in my laid-back house clothes (oversized shirt and no pants on) with my hair all messed up. I felt that I looked like an underdressed hobo who just woke up. We felt like we were lost after the boat trip and looked around for familiar faces. The atmosphere was dark. I went to a place to look for help and sure enough my crush was there with his girlfriend coming to our ailing help and I was standing there like, ‘FUCK! I CAN’T BE LOOKING LIKE THIS! I’M NOT WEARING DECENT CLOTHING AND MAKE-UP! I DON’T EVEN HAVE PANTS ON! WHY DON’T I HAVE PANTS ON?!’

I felt so insecure and unready of facing him and his girlfriend. My family greeted him warmly and the girlfriend took a seat at one side and she wasn’t prominent throughout the whole dream. My focus now was on my appearance and how was I going to face him with no pants on! Lol. We went in to the house and a family gathering/party or some sort was at brew. I didn’t greeted him yet by the way and he didn’t seem to noticed me or didn’t bother to noticed me even though I brushed past him a couple of times. It turned to be his birthday and my family, his family and his cousins, all to whom were familiar faces to me were there to celebrate. I went inside the house and brought out his birthday cake while trying my best to hide myself behind it. I lay the cake on the table and stick some candles on it and quickly went to sit at the back while watching everyone sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to D.K who’s now standing at the end of the table with his cake. He was the centre of attention. Somehow the whole guests including my family can sense that I like him so they made this ‘Wooing’ noises and in my head I was like, ‘OMG PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP’ because I was sitting next to his girlfriend who appears to be the only one oblivious of my affection towards her boyfriend. Sure enough my crush noticed the guests’ wooing and came towards me and I don’t know why I had this idea in my head that he was going to ask me to dance or something or finally wants to talk to me but all that I could think of while he was walking towards me was, ‘Do I look decent enough? God, I hope he likes me’. However… instead of noticing me, he was actually walking towards my mom who’s sitting at the left front of me. He said to her in his most gracious and respectful tone, ‘Hi aunty! Do you want to dance?’

I was confused and angry. I was baffled because I wonder why he asked my mom to dance instead of his girlfriend who’s sitting beside me? And I was angry because even then, he didn’t even want to say ‘Hello’ to me or even make the effort to notice me. The dream went on without him or his girlfriend in the picture. Instead, the party was over and I found myself cleaning up the cups and cakes from the table and bringing it in to the kitchen at the back. The feeling was still fresh within me. I had a moody persona while I was cleaning, analyzing every single aspect of what just happened. A few of my aunties and uncles noticed my behaviour and I can tell they were gossiping about me and disapproved of my attitude. I felt insecure. The scene of the dream was irrelevant after that but it felt as though, a minute or two afterwards, I woken up sobbing and crying.

The near-accurate interpretation by Google: 

 http://www.gotohoroscope.com/txt/dream-meaning-crush.html

My interpretation:

Beforehand, I do believe that my dream has something to do with my insecurities in reality. I haven’t professed my feelings to my crush nor do I have the guts to. The last time I talked to him was in May of 2011 during my sister’s wedding but will see him soon in May of this year for his cousin’s wedding hence the ‘him not noticing and talking to me’ bit that had me frustrated and the joyful occasion that took place in the dream. The boat trip obviously depicts the travelling that requires to go to his place (Labuan). I also haven’t met his girlfriend in real life and not giving much thought about her except that she may be much better than me which lead her to be not that significant in my dream. In real life, I do sometimes put on make-up and make an effort in my fashion choices to be considered ‘appropriate’ in society and that has always been my routine before going out or meeting new people. I’ve posted a blogpost not too long ago about ‘Self-Esteem’ which required me remembering back my past issues (which may still linger at the back of my mind) and I admit that my crush had recently posted a picture of him and his girlfriend walking down the beach on Facebook and that had got me a bit jealous but I didn’t thought about it that much after that. I’ve learnt before that our mind turns into a movie/playground arena when it’s unconscious. It feeds on our back-thoughts and memories, some that we may not even remember or given much thought to when we’re awake. In a nutshell, I would say that even though I wasn’t thinking much about my crush while I was awake, it shows how much he still means to me even though I’ve stored him away deep in my mind out of respect of his relationship.